I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i permit you to call me
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
