Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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