I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
