i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize