I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
