she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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