would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
