JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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