Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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