The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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