i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
