She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
