I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
