dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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