i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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