My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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