I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
