I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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