Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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