thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize