I love black thongs
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Holy sore nipples Batman
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Randomize
