My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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