I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Randomize
