In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Drunk is a universal language darling
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
