I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
