too bad you live with your parents still
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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