it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
