I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
He did a backflip because drugs
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