I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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