She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
