i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
It was like giving head to a cactus.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
