were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Randomize
