she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
