I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
