Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
