What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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