Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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