my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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