i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
