what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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