Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
