got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
