I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
