The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
