Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize