Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize
