Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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