The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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