...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
