He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
We don't watch enough power rangers
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
