so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
