Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
