how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize