I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
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And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
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I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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