Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
