Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
