You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
