Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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