You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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