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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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