My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
