Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
