the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
