Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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