i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
that is very illegal...i love you.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
