I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize