Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
being pregnant is like rehab
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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