you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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