went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
pray to the hookup gods
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
You did what with his pubic hair?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
