Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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