I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Randomize
