every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
