rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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