he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
