my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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