Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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