I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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