hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
