Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
