I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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