So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
