she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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