I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
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this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
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i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
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