I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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