Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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